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Autistic Duck
By Cedric Le Blanc
A duck walks into a bar and says “Got any grapes?” The bartender says “No.” So the duck walks out. The next day the duck walks in and says “Got any grapes?” The bartender says “No.” So the duck walks out. The next day the duck walks in and says “Got any grapes?” The bartender says “No.” So the duck walks out. The next day the duck walks in and says “Got any grapes?” The bartender says “No.” So the duck walks out. This happens for a few weeks. After a few weeks the duck walks in and says “Got any grapes?” The bartender says “No.” So the duck walks out. The next day the duck walks in and says “Got any grapes?” The bartender says “No and if you ask me one more time I’ll nail your feet to the table.” So the duck walks out. Next day the duck walks in and says “Got any nails?” The bartender says “No.” So the duck says “Got any grapes?”
This is my favorite joke. It’s my favorite joke because I am the duck. Why do I think I’m the duck? The duck acts and thinks just the way I do.
I am a very unique person. In fact I am probably more unique than most people. There are many ways that make me unique, for example I have no pituitary gland. Also I have Aspergers Syndrome, which is a form of autism. These factors and more make me different from other people.
However I rarely share these factors with other people out of fear of being teased. I have these fears for good reason. When I was younger, before I was diagnosed, kids made fun of me for no reason other than to be mean. When I was younger and smaller, I made an easy target for bullies. The Aspergers makes it difficult for me to understand social situations and to understand non-verbal communication. So, I often did or said things that were out of step with my classmates. This made me different. I also liked to read at an early age and was not very good at or interested in sports. These differences made it easy for kids to pick on me. As I got older and bigger, I got angrier that kids and grown ups didn’t understand what I said and did. I could see that other kids got away with being mean and rude without getting caught. Unfortunately, I didn’t figure out what they did to not get caught so when I acted mean and rude so I could be just like the popular kids, I got into trouble. This made me angry because it seemed like I was the only one getting into trouble.
Now that I know some of the things that make me unique, it makes it a little bit easier to figure out how to live life. But, I am afraid that if I share my “conditions” with people my own age they will have more reasons to make fun of me. Sometimes, I’m paranoid about this and think that everyone knows I’m ‘different’ and that makes me really angry. Sometimes, I’m glad that I’m different.
As I get older though I have found that I can be more open to people about myself. I have actually shared with some of my adult friends about my “conditions”. When I went to Challenge Day in the fall of 2004, I was able to tell complete strangers who were my own age about me. It felt scary and somewhat good to honestly be who I really am. In fact my having Aspergers has actually led to a friendship with a UMO student who also has Aspergers. We met at my Dad’s company picnic. Neither one of us wanted to be there but as soon as our parents introduced us and my Dad had me ask Michael about Pokemon, we were able to talk. We talked all afternoon about Pokemon and video games and computer games. Michael ended up inviting me to his house 4 or 5 times before he went to college at the end of that summer. It was nice to be able to talk to someone for a long time about one subject that interested both of us. Our friendship has continued through an online game called “Runescape”. Michael has helped me with the game and we have also talked about other games.
My Aspergers has also helped my mom be a better teacher. At least that’s what she says. In fact this year and last year (she loops) she has some kids in her class with Aspergers and knowing me has helped her to understand them. Sometimes she’ll describe a situation and ask me about it. The first few times she did this, I couldn’t really see her point of view, so when she would describe something to me, I’d tell her the kid was right. So she’d just ask me to explain my point of view in the situation that she described. Now, I’m able to explain my (and the kid in her class’s) point of view and her point of view. I’m also able to make suggestions of how to help the kid do what she needs him or her to do. I’m very good at finding the loopholes in any plan she makes so she can now write plans for kids that have almost no loopholes.
If I didn’t have Aspergers I probably would not be as smart as I am now. I am very good at problem-solving and things that don’t require a lot of touchy-feely stuff. I was able to take the SATS as a sophomore and got a reasonable score. I’m interested in a lot of topics that people my age usually don’t pay attention to. Some of these subjects are: codes, cryptozoology, Tuvan throat chanting, current events, politics, parodies of politicians like Capitol Steps, board games, card games, and interesting questions of science. It’s hard to find other teenagers who are interested in these things but, I do find adults who can talk about at least one or two of these things.
On the other hand if I didn’t have Aspergers or no pituitary gland I would not have to take as much medication, if any at all. I also might not have some of my bad habits like picking scabs, getting stuck on something, interrupting, and getting overwhelmed.
But, I do have these things and all together they make me like the duck in the joke. The duck seems happy with who he is and he finds a way to get what he wants by finding the loopholes and sticking to his plan. I am like the duck. All in all I am a unique person and am happy, most of the time, to be who I am, finding the loopholes to figure out life.