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Throughout history school teachers have assigned the writing of essays to their
students. Some essay assignments come with predictable topics like “What
I Did Over Summer Vacation” or “When I Grow Up” or “The
Event That Most Influenced My Life”. These topics usually produce boring
essays that earn A grades for the students who experience life in a stereotypical
way and F grades for the students who experience life fully everywhere except
inside the school building. Other essay assignments are a free choice for the
topic. This can produce original, creative essays, if the student is brave enough.
I am going to be a brave student. This essay will be about nothing.
The essay is supposed to be about something but I decided not to follow the
rules and to write about nothing. However, I may be following the rules in spite
of my intentions. How could I be following the rules? The essay is supposed
to be about something. I am writing about something because nothing is something
but, if nothing is something, it’s not nothing. So then, am I really writing
about something and not nothing?
Nothing is supposed to be a noun. A noun is a person, place, or thing. Nothing
is not a person. And I’m pretty sure nothing is not a place. So therefore,
nothing must be a thing. But if nothing is a thing then it is not nothing. (Are
you confused yet? No, good, I’ll continue.)
Of course, before the universe started there was supposedly nothing. Then the
Big Bang happened and the universe was created. But, how can you get something
from nothing? Of course, if you did get something from nothing than it wouldn’t
be nothing anymore, it would be something. And how the heck does the scientific
principle of conservation of matter fit into all this? Some scientists theorize
that eventually there will be a Big Crunch, which is the opposite of the Big
Bang. That means that we will get nothing from something. But if we can get
nothing from something that means that nothing is in something. (Still not confused
yet? Read on!) Now, if nothing is in something, then that means that nothing
is part of something, making it something and not nothing.
Here is my concluding paragraph (and all traditional school essays have to have
a concluding paragraph)
Nothing, is it something, nothing, or something else? You decide!